Help! I can't take it any more. My head is going to explode soon if it doesn't stop.
What's he banging on about now, you may enquire? Well I'm going to tell you straight, so don't blame me if you're offended because you asked for it. Lowest common denominator TV has been around for a long time now and we are drowning in a vast ocean of utter dross. Creativity has been jettisoned and good shows marooned as peak time TV schedules become swamped with more and more copycat productions.
Big Brother - what an utter waste of time. Even though I've seen less than an accumulative 46.29 seconds when I've inadvertently hit the wrong channel, I feel overly qualified to express an expert opinion. It's absolute drivel - mindless morons watching mindless morons desperately behaving like vacuous morons, hoping for fame and fortune.
Okay, maybe I've over used the word moron, but it's a little word which describes perfectly these moronic little people.
I can manage to avoid: the X-Factor, BGT (that's Britain's Got Tw*ts), Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing On Ice, I Am Not/Was Years Ago/Never Have Been/Would Like To Be/Know Someone Who Is/Was/Once Slept With Someone Who Met A Celebrity. And don't forget all those Andrew Lloyd Webber offerings of unadulterated crap. The list is almost endless in the UK and I'm sure acroos the world. You can also add the unending daily menu of Soaps too.
Given the choice of watching 30 seconds of any of the above, or standing upside down with my head submerged in the blocked Gents WC of the Vulcan pub, with everyone urinating on my face on a Saturday night for 30 minutes, I'd chose the latter every time, in the blink of an eye.
In fact I've bought a Crap Detector off eBay which plugs into my TVs HDMI socket. It's a great gadget which detects the inane drivel and automatically changes the channel to Sky Sports. This also really irritates wife. Double whammy, Result!
A bargain at £199.99!
So why is my head going to explode, you may ask, when I don't actually watch any of this drivel?
Well I have to suffer something much worse, something more excruciating and unavoidable than sitting in front of the TV, watching this rubbish. Something so bad that I have to switch off my kindle as there is no way that I can concentrate on the latest book that I'm reading.
I have to sit on a minibus the next working day and listen to the rehashing of last nights drivel highlights for up to 2 hours. Up to ten cackling would-be TV critics fighting to have an opinion in a cacophony of caterwauling. Complete torture that not even the SS at their worst would have had the stomach to inflict. No Crap Detector, no off switch and no way out. HELP!!!