Saturday, 12 June 2010

This time next year I'll be a millionaire

Well folks, you may not believe it, but I will be rich within 12 months.  I have finally decided to use my writing skills (don't laugh) and sense of humour to share my unique outlook on life, and thus make loadsamoney.

Ok, Maybe a million within a year is a little optimistic even for me, but aim high, heh! What's the worst that can happen? I suppose I could put in a dodgy link to some illegal site and incriminate myself in the process. Perhaps I may absent-mindedly forget to pay my dues to HMR and Customs, that would be silly wouldn't it. Tax Avoidance, A practical guide for UK residents Or maybe I might inadvertently write something libellous about someone famous such as the Prime Minister and get the arse sued off me.

But avoiding all of the above may lead to a lucrative new sideline. Added to that, I am going to start writing Sci Fi or Fantasy novels when I can work out which is which. So the sky is clearly the limit.

Now the next bit is definitely not libellous (I hope).

It has been alleged (by someone, definitely not me, but I don't know who; could have been Neil B'stard), that David Cameron has finally had a good idea on how to save money on public spending. He has decided to shelve the policy of drastic job cuts throughout the public sector. Any fool could see that this would have put thousands more on the already swollen dole queue, and severly cut services in Health, Education and Law Enforcement amongst others.

You can call me stupid if you like, but the government lose the tax and National Insurance revenue from these employees and then have to fork out a fortune in unemployment benefits, tax credits, housing benefits, etc, etc. What the hell does that achieve?

Added to that, the newly unemployed now have no money for essentials like mortgage repayments, and for luxury purchases.

Resulting in increased repossessions and a collapse in the construction industry, which is only just recovering from the recession. Local retailers and multi-nationals will feel the pinch and many more jobs will be lost due to everyone's lack of spending power.

And so the cycle perpetuates (I know, it is a big word for me) itself. This will send us hurtling back into an even deeper recession.

So what is his alternative I hear you ask?

Well he has decided to lay off 90% of all MPs with immediate effect. This would leave 65 MPs to run the country, which is more than enough if you ask me. It is a well known fact that most MPs spend very little time in Parliament and even less working in their own constituencies

So how does he chose the 90% to lay off? It is believed that Cameron will get rid of those with the smallest winning margins, taking into account percentage swings and defections, and then seasonally adjusting the figures. I can now exclusively reveal that that means that there will be 64 Tory MPs and Nick Clegg.

What's that I hear you ask? "What the.....!"

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