Well folks, this is what you've been waiting for, for such a long time. I am going to amuse and annoy you, I am going to bemuse and bannoy you (I know, but what rhymes with annoy and starts with 'b').
I am going to give my honest opinions about the important, inane or just plain inocuous items in the news. I may lambast my neighbours for not inviting me to that great barbeque last weekend. Or for waking me up at midnight with an almighty row and then for keeping me up all night listening to them making.......up!
I might try to write the shortest sentence that includes every punctuation mark. ",!;':. Beat that! Well I didn't say that it had to contain actual words and be gramatically correct, did I?
And I might just have a good old rant about nothing in particular. We'll just have to wait and see.
Did you see the story of the cat who didn't want to be catstrated.
A Miss Brown walked into Woosehill Vets
With her tom cat whom she called Lexi
She said can you chop off his nuts
Because lately he's been getting too sexy
So the vet stroked her pussy and said
I'm sure that I am quite able
To castrate your poor little Lexi
And he laid him down on the table
But as the vet approached with his scalpel
Lexi Disappeared before he could grab it
And when Miss Brown came to get him
They tried to palm her off with a rabbit
So please keep an eye out for Lexi
You could tempt him in with a treat
But if in your home there is pussies
You'd better lock up your moggies on heat
Till next time
What the hell was that.